924Board.org

[Rick MacLaren]

LEGAL DISCLAIMER: The following is just a fictional story. The characters depicted here are not real persons. Racing is illegal. And not a thing that nice people do. The story is meant for the amusement and delight of 931 owners and is not meant to give the impression that racing is a good thing to do. Think of these men depicted as mullet-headed, tattooed apes, pounding their chests and baring their teeth in attempts to gain jungle dominance.

STORY TEXT

I came up behind a quite hopped up 1986 944 the other day on an onramp. He saw me in the rear view, and I zigged and zagged back and forth while turning, just to let him know I wanted to play.

So he accellerates, my girlfriend rolls her eyes, and I take off. Within 300 feet I'm passing him and he's still accelerating. I keep pace with him, in 3rd, and taunt and tease him for a minute. Then I just tap the accelerator, go forward, and shift into 4th. On spool up, he comes up from behind me on the right, and then my boost kicks in...

Whooosh!

A car in the centre lane. I go to the left and he goes to the right. But, wooops! There's a (not kidding) chicken truck in the right lane blocking him from passing the centre car. Sorry pal!

So I pass the car in the centre lane and take my rightful spot in the center lane. And just to be a bastard, I slow down and wait for the chicken truck and my 944 friend to catch up. But my 944 buddy has other ideas. He's now switched lanes to the extreme left and wants to come back up my rear left for another bitch slapping.

The girlfriend now is reminding me that she doesn't like to date men without licenses and I'm not attractive enough for her to lend money to me when I need a lawyer. I casually mention to her that because she is in the car, and the car is therefore 'overweight', it cannot perform optimally so I need my attentions on the road. She laughs and punches me. But I digress...

I allow Buddy Boy in his 944 to get precisly beside me (I'm in 4th gear) and I look over and wave. He acknowledges by waving through his sunroof in a "See ya! I'm gonna dust you now" manner.

Then, I tap the gas...

Spool up takes a second or two, and then the rear end dips a bit and 'Whoooosh', Buddy Boy ain't looking at the road, he's now watching me pass him. I can almost FEEL his foot trying to bend the floor metal and wishing "Come on, come on you old piece of shxx...this is a 924 I'm racing against here! And I've got the superior car! Where are your balls?"

Anyways, I only teased him one more time. Let him get beside me while he had it obviously floored, tapped the accelerator again and just spanked him like he needed to be spanked! But this last time I did it on the final corner heading up to my turn off. However, I wanted to go for some more and Buddy Boy decided to leave the scene. I gave him a wave.

Girlfriend was smiling ear to ear. She noted she felt like she was 18 years old and that was a nice feeling. For a 37 year old, that's not too shabby. At the stop light, she grabbbed my left hand from the steering wheel, and yanked my palm firmly on her chest and held it with both hands - it was a V8 pounding there inside. She was all flushed and there was moisture above her lip. I like that. I thought to myself "What's the quickest way home?"

I'm pretty sure the guy and his gf spent the evening with him looking through the AutoMotion catalog for performance upgrades...

I'm sure we'll see each other again. I've seen his car around town before. I'm sure we'll soon stop, open our hoods, make conciliatory gestures, scratch lice and make grunt noises like good apes do.


[ This Message was edited by: Rick MacLaren on 2002-08-25 01:26 ]

[Cbass]

That's some damn fine story telling Rick! I figured I would have heard Hoo ha in there somewhere...

[Zuffen]

You Dawg

_________________
Bob Dodd - 924turbo@cox.net
931 1982, 944 1982 euro, 924S 1988SE, 93 968 tip 06 Silver Cayenne S, 06 Black Cayenne S

I have Way too many cars, parts for the 931,944 and 951

[924RACR]

HAHHAHAAHAA!!!

I'm looking forward to the day I can join you - on the track!

No, seriously - have you given any thought to coming down this way, maybe get to Mid-Ohio for a DE? Waterford's close, but then it's more of a 924 track, not big enough to stretch the legs on a 931. OTOH, I could go up there and meet you @ Mosport!

_________________
Vaughan Scott
Webmeister
'79 924 #77 SCCA H Prod racecar
'82 931 Plat. Silver
#25 Hidari Firefly P2 sports prototype

[Rick MacLaren]

Yeah, I'd like that. My GF has relatives in Windsor, and I could just drop her there and buzz off to Detroit. The DE sounds excellent, cause our DE events typically fill up very very fast.

[928dreams]

I haven't had a girlfriend since high school, but anyways I pick up female hitchhikers quite often, every chance i get, and I usually end up scaring the shit out of them by the way I drive. Speeding, running lights, flipping off ricers and mercedes benz owners, the normal.

[924 turbo]

[Lizard]

hey turbo ata boy